Archive for February, 2010
February 28, 2010
What will Pat Robertson blame this on? Gays? Pornographers? Atheists?
[UPDATE]
Someone else thought of this joke too.
[UPDATE II]
This just keeps getting funnier. Apparently legitimate news sites picked up the “Robertson blamed Chileans for their mistreatment of dictator Pinochet” story. How funny is it that Robertson is such a gigantic asshole that people would gobble that line up? You’d hope that if someone said something outrageous about you, like “Tom Hammer was arrested for conspiring to smuggle heroin with his wife, a 16 year-old Shetland pony”, that people would pause for a moment to wonder if it was true.
Tags:atheists, chile, gays, pat robertson
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February 28, 2010
After sparring with his 2008 presidential opponent — President Barack Obama — at this week’s health care summit, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) sits down for an exclusive interview on this Sunday’s “Meet the Press.” What, if anything, was achieved at this bipartisan meeting? And how will Democrats and Republicans work together to confront health care reform and all the other challenges facing Washington, including terrorism, the economy and more? We’ll get answers from this four-term Senator up this year for re-election.
You know how Robin Williams hasn’t done anything funny since the late 80s but constantly appears on award shows and late night TV? That’s how I feel about John McCain, who will be making an unprecedented 20th appearance (more than any other public figure in the country) on a Sunday morning talk show since Obama’s inauguration. (more…)
Tags:Assholes, iran, iraq, mccain, meet the press, robin williams, straight talk
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February 26, 2010
Atheist group leader enjoys White House visit.
Per McClatchy, Obama aides are expected to meet with atheist leaders later today in the white house.
Coalition leaders are billing their visit as an important meeting between a presidential administration and the “nontheist” community. On the agenda are three policy areas: child medical neglect, military proselytizing and faith-based initiatives.
“We’re raising important issues that affect real people’s lives,” said Sean Faircloth, 49, a former Maine state legislator who’s the coalition’s executive director.
Fortunately, a white house spokesman calmed fears that the meeting would lead to the imposition of a secular dictatorship.
White House spokesman Shin Inouye downplayed the meeting, saying only that Tchen’s office “regularly meets with a wide range of organizations and individuals on a diverse set of issues.”
What’s on their insidious agenda? Are secularists proposing a ban on bibles and the celebration of Christmas?
(more…)
Tags:Assholes, atheists, hobos, mormons, religion, separation of church and state, white house
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February 25, 2010
"This gym locker room is a haven for pervs."
[UPDATED BELOW]
I was going to continue documenting the atrocities of the great health care sellout, the Wall Street heist and the latest “collateral damage” from our global military empire, but I don’t feel like pulling a Jack Torrance and spending another night wandering through the house talking to dead bartenders. Instead, let’s talk about fitness. Unfortunately, I was blessed with the metabolism of a (comatose) elderly woman and the muscle tone to match. Since my legal career requires sitting in a cubicle for 9 hours a day, making phone calls and attending harassment seminars, that means making a few reluctant trips to the local fitness establishment. And what could possibly be worse than having to get up in the dead of winter and drive 15 minutes to a gym that costs $50/month? These people:
(more…)
Tags:Assholes, exercise, gym, mark and me, mark mcgwire, meatheads, nudity, PEDs, steroids
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February 24, 2010
"I have the worst freakin' luck..."
I’ll get a [Peabody-worth] post up later tonight, things are a bit hectic because my wife has been on bed rest from pre-term contractions. In the meantime, my 23 month-old son pulled a Chunk from Goonies and suffered a vomit fest in the family room. My wife was able to catch half the reversal of fortune, the other landed on my dachshund Wilbur’s head. In case that wasn’t disgusting enough, the other dachshund (Ellie) started hoovering it up. Egads. At least the sports gods are smiling. I’m looking forward to the Inter Milan – Chelsea game [which I'm currently TiVoing...don't ruin the result for me you bastards!] and the Canada – Russia hockey game. More soon…
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February 22, 2010
Sorry, I should've known reading Evan Bayh's Op-Ed was a mistake.
So I’m leafing through the paper this morning when I noticed Evan Bayh published a lengthy Op-Ed titled “Why I’m Leaving The Senate“. ["Don't read it," my inner monologue begged. "Can't you just leave this shit alone for one freakin' day?!] But then I caught the first sentence of Bayh’s article [and both of my monologues screamed "NOOOooo!"]:
(more…)
Tags:Assholes, bipartisan, Congress, Evan Bayh, Senate
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
February 21, 2010
"The war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage."
The above-referenced quote was issued by Japan’s emperor to his people after atomic bombs had been dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It famously stands as the ultimate metaphor for understatements. Well, the Emperor can rest easy because there’s a new sheriff in town. (more…)
Tags:Assholes, business, Durham, ponzi scheme, torture, yoo
Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »
